Is My Highlight Reel, Real?

What's on your mind?

"Enjoying my hot cup of coffee while snuggled on the couch watching the rain fall melodically. It's so nice and relaxing. I just love mornings when I have quiet time with my Bible, Jesus, and my coffee!" (insert smiley face, heart, cross, umbrella and coffee mug emoticon.)

Reading this, one would think my morning is quiet, quaint, and perfect. It's definitely a "highlight reel." I could just take a snapshot of my coffee mug, my feet propped up on the coffee table and the raindrops on the window. Maybe light a couple candles, make sure my Bible is in the picture...because, you know, I'm a Christian. I read it every morning.

But here's the thing. If I had been totally, 100% real, this is what I would have written instead:

I am sitting here drinking my freshly brewed cup of coffee, between moments of being interrupted because my three year old can't seem to do anything without my help or me being near him. As I am gazing out the window at the rain, I am thinking about how peaceful being in a rain forest would be right about now, because I have just dealt with two major temper tantrums and it's not even eight o clock in the morning! So far I have dealt with a melt down (someone wanted cookies for breakfast), a fight over who sings louder, and tears from hands being sticky. I have dished out medicine because two out of three kids are not feeling well, and I have panicked, thinking that I forgot to put the trash on the curb. I went to bed last night thinking about how my life should be in a much better place by now (I'm 30 for crying out loud!!), because only deep thoughts happen at night when I get a moment of quiet to think about life's major problems. I fell asleep, only to wake up to enjoying my cup of coffee in between real life. The thought to spike my coffee, actually occurred, and this morning, I have yet to dive into my Bible reading. In fact, I probably won't get around to it this morning. (Gasp!) I did pray; I prayed that my kids would behave today and that I would make it through this day. I prayed for my husband's safety. As a pilot's wife, I worry a lot for him, but I've learned that praying is a lot easier and nicer than losing my mind over it. Lately, prayer has become my source of sanity...and my coffee is cold now.

Phew! Can anyone relate??

I mean, that isn't what we want people to see or hear, but why? Why has real life become so taboo to portray on social media? I get not wanting to see someone always complaining and always being negative about their life; it's not something I want to see everyday, but what about the hardships, the struggles, the low times we sometimes have? What about the tantrums, the meltdowns, the spilled milk, the sticky hands, the disappointments, the hard stuff?? It's become too easy to mask and cover what really happens with the right adjectives. A few warm, cozy words. Just the right lighting at just the right angle to get just the right picture.

It's really funny, I used to get SO mad at my husband for pulling out the video camera when the kids were being rotten and throwing a tantrum or fighting over something. I would think, "I am not going to want to look back at this!! What is the point? Is he trying to embarrass them?" Then one day, I watched something he had recorded when the boys were just little things and were having a little fight. There was crying, pushing (as hard as babies can push each other), and then there was my husband standing there watching it happen for just a couple minutes, capturing their sinful nature; their struggle with one another and wanting to be first. And I realized that I actually like watching everything he records now, because it's us. It's real. Regardless of what it is, whether or not I want other people to see it, or whatever, it's our reality. Struggling to raise children together, and taking on everything that goes with that. Realizing that our children have so far to go, that we have so far to go as parents. And that I have so far to go as a wife and a mother. But, it's also the reminder of how far they have come, and how far we have come. Because in the midst of the not-so-perfect reel, every once in awhile, there is a great highlight reel that we capture. When the kids are dancing together, playing quietly together, reading books together, or when I do have a morning free of interruptions. Those are the times that stand out because they don't always happen.

But why mask everything?? Why mask the real stuff? Here's a thought: instead of posting your "highlight" reel, post your real highlights. Including everything--the nitty-gritty, hard-to-swallow, everyday stuff that comes with life. That doesn't mean you have to post it all the time all over social media (I would encourage you not to!). But I know that every once in awhile, seeing other moms do what we do in reality--ie.the daily grind--would be encouraging for me.

So, what's on my mind? Some mornings I am able to sit and quietly enjoy my coffee without interruptions and without it getting cold. But today is just not that day, and I'm not going to pretend that it is. Because some "highlight reels" should just be real.

It's Okay To Just Cry

Mom's, this one's for you today. For encouragement and for sanity in a chaotic world with crazy kids.

I have had one heck of a week. I feel drained. I feel tired. But after this morning, I feel better. Wanna know why? Let me explain.

We live in a world that is dominated by positive Facebook posts where only happy things are told to create a snapshot picture of a perfect life and where Pinterest is showing us how we can create that picture perfect life by solving any problem we can think of--from disciplining, to hands on crafts for the kids, to perfect healthy meals that can be on your table every night with little effort and little time. We are constantly bombarded with solutions. If our kids are driving us crazy we are told to cut out the technology, stop feeding them food with red dye in it, just say NO. If we are tired and overwhelmed, we are told to take a "time-out" and refuel ourselves with a cup of caffeine or we just need an hour by ourselves to go shopping without being bothered. We are told we need to find a routine that works for everyone and if we can only get the stars to align then everything will fall into place. Moms, we have heard it all. And I thought I had heard it all too. Until this morning.

Like I said, it had been a long week. I was feeling it. The kids were stressing me out and my husband took no full days off. I needed a break. I woke up early to collect my thoughts, have a cup of tea without being disturbed and to write about my frustrations with the week. However, that plan wasn't meant to be. As soon as I sat down in my rocking chair with a cozy blanket, the space heater facing toward me and a pen and paper, I heard little feet coming across the room. My two year old was up and ready for the day. And right behind him, my four year old already asking for a bowl of cereal. My perfect plan for being by myself disintegrated right before my eyes and I got up to take care of them fighting off the onset of tears. Seriously, was it too much to ask for just half an hour alone?! I pushed aside the urge to wake up my husband and fell into the morning routine. Luckily it wasn't long before he did wake up, so I took the opportunity to jump in the shower before he left to work on his one day off.

I felt defeated as I let the hot water run over me. I was mentally and physically exhausted and drained of energy. I wanted to cry. I felt it in my throat, my eyes were misty but I couldn't. There were voices in the back of my mind telling me I was fine. Don't lose it now; you've made it all week long so what's one more day? YOU.CAN'T.CRY.NOW.

I thought back, why? Why can't I cry now? Why can't I lose it? I am drowning here!

Because moms don't cry unless we're watching a sappy show or crying for one of our children because they hurt. We fix things. We kiss boo-boos and find long lost toys. We keep the house in order and our husbands happy. We post positive posts on Facebook hiding our frustration with life. We pin our recipes, ideas, and solutions to mask the out-of-control feelings we don't allow ourselves to feel. We push our feelings aside telling ourselves that we just need another hot, steaming cup of caffeine. We tell ourselves that we will pin better ideas, and find even better solutions. And then, everything will be fine.

I stood there in the shower, water pouring over me. And then it happened. A tear. It slipped. I didn't mean for it to, I was trying so hard to be strong. But, it did. And then another one. And another. I started sobbing. I couldn't stop. I was alone, naked and vulnerable and I let myself feel everything.

I cried about how much I missed my friends and my former MOPS group; I cried about being left at home again while my husband took his one day off to work. I cried about the house being in a constant state of chaos, about my lack of sleep, about not being able to sit and write in peace that morning. I cried about the uncertainty of my husband's job and even cried because I was crying. I was a wreck. And it felt good.

After I finally composed myself long enough to finish showering and dry off, I realized two things:

Moms are not encouraged to cry and we are certainly not encouraged to lose it.

Why not??! Why are we encouraged to chug another cup of coffee, spend money by ourselves, find the perfect star alignment, but we are not encouraged to let go?

Nobody told me it was okay to run away and sob until there's nothing left in me. But I did. Without consciously knowing that this was what I needed, I let myself go. And moms, this might be exactly what you need. We carry so much; we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and that load is heavy! We need to lighten it; not mask it. We need to realize that it is okay to feel defeated and it is okay to retreat and surrender those feelings. I came out of that shower renewed and feeling lighter than I had in weeks.

I'm certainly not saying to always forego your cup of energy or not post positive things on social media. I'm not even saying to not pin your picture perfect life on your boards. Heck, sometimes those things help keep me sane!

All I'm saying is that if you're carrying a heavy load and if you feel like you're going to just lose it, it's okay if you do.

And it's certainly okay to just cry.