It's Okay To Just Cry

Mom's, this one's for you today. For encouragement and for sanity in a chaotic world with crazy kids.

I have had one heck of a week. I feel drained. I feel tired. But after this morning, I feel better. Wanna know why? Let me explain.

We live in a world that is dominated by positive Facebook posts where only happy things are told to create a snapshot picture of a perfect life and where Pinterest is showing us how we can create that picture perfect life by solving any problem we can think of--from disciplining, to hands on crafts for the kids, to perfect healthy meals that can be on your table every night with little effort and little time. We are constantly bombarded with solutions. If our kids are driving us crazy we are told to cut out the technology, stop feeding them food with red dye in it, just say NO. If we are tired and overwhelmed, we are told to take a "time-out" and refuel ourselves with a cup of caffeine or we just need an hour by ourselves to go shopping without being bothered. We are told we need to find a routine that works for everyone and if we can only get the stars to align then everything will fall into place. Moms, we have heard it all. And I thought I had heard it all too. Until this morning.

Like I said, it had been a long week. I was feeling it. The kids were stressing me out and my husband took no full days off. I needed a break. I woke up early to collect my thoughts, have a cup of tea without being disturbed and to write about my frustrations with the week. However, that plan wasn't meant to be. As soon as I sat down in my rocking chair with a cozy blanket, the space heater facing toward me and a pen and paper, I heard little feet coming across the room. My two year old was up and ready for the day. And right behind him, my four year old already asking for a bowl of cereal. My perfect plan for being by myself disintegrated right before my eyes and I got up to take care of them fighting off the onset of tears. Seriously, was it too much to ask for just half an hour alone?! I pushed aside the urge to wake up my husband and fell into the morning routine. Luckily it wasn't long before he did wake up, so I took the opportunity to jump in the shower before he left to work on his one day off.

I felt defeated as I let the hot water run over me. I was mentally and physically exhausted and drained of energy. I wanted to cry. I felt it in my throat, my eyes were misty but I couldn't. There were voices in the back of my mind telling me I was fine. Don't lose it now; you've made it all week long so what's one more day? YOU.CAN'T.CRY.NOW.

I thought back, why? Why can't I cry now? Why can't I lose it? I am drowning here!

Because moms don't cry unless we're watching a sappy show or crying for one of our children because they hurt. We fix things. We kiss boo-boos and find long lost toys. We keep the house in order and our husbands happy. We post positive posts on Facebook hiding our frustration with life. We pin our recipes, ideas, and solutions to mask the out-of-control feelings we don't allow ourselves to feel. We push our feelings aside telling ourselves that we just need another hot, steaming cup of caffeine. We tell ourselves that we will pin better ideas, and find even better solutions. And then, everything will be fine.

I stood there in the shower, water pouring over me. And then it happened. A tear. It slipped. I didn't mean for it to, I was trying so hard to be strong. But, it did. And then another one. And another. I started sobbing. I couldn't stop. I was alone, naked and vulnerable and I let myself feel everything.

I cried about how much I missed my friends and my former MOPS group; I cried about being left at home again while my husband took his one day off to work. I cried about the house being in a constant state of chaos, about my lack of sleep, about not being able to sit and write in peace that morning. I cried about the uncertainty of my husband's job and even cried because I was crying. I was a wreck. And it felt good.

After I finally composed myself long enough to finish showering and dry off, I realized two things:

Moms are not encouraged to cry and we are certainly not encouraged to lose it.

Why not??! Why are we encouraged to chug another cup of coffee, spend money by ourselves, find the perfect star alignment, but we are not encouraged to let go?

Nobody told me it was okay to run away and sob until there's nothing left in me. But I did. Without consciously knowing that this was what I needed, I let myself go. And moms, this might be exactly what you need. We carry so much; we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and that load is heavy! We need to lighten it; not mask it. We need to realize that it is okay to feel defeated and it is okay to retreat and surrender those feelings. I came out of that shower renewed and feeling lighter than I had in weeks.

I'm certainly not saying to always forego your cup of energy or not post positive things on social media. I'm not even saying to not pin your picture perfect life on your boards. Heck, sometimes those things help keep me sane!

All I'm saying is that if you're carrying a heavy load and if you feel like you're going to just lose it, it's okay if you do.

And it's certainly okay to just cry.

A Party and Cowboy Boots

October was a busy month! We celebrated our dear first boy's 4th birthday which was so much fun. As promised, I have pictures of the Willy Wonka banner that I made. The pictures don't do it justice; it added so much to the party and it was really, very easy to make.

Isn't that just precious! The glitter on the edges really added a special touch!

The cake was really fun to make as well. I just used A LOT of candy. To offset the sweetness of the candy, I used cool whip for the frosting. That is what my mom always used for birthday cakes growing up, and it's still my favorite cake "icing."

That is the SWEETEST smile from a happy 4 year old! (Pun intended!)

Only a week after the Wonka party, it was Halloween. That meant scrambling to buy or make three costumes. Remember the rain boots I painted Spider-Man style? Well, I had another pair of boots that needed to be made into special, adorable, and FUN boots! Lucky for me, my four year wanted to dress up like a cowboy...so...I got to try my hand at painting plain, black rain boots to look like cowboy boots. It was a success and I was SO excited at how easy they were to paint!

Can you believe how cute those turned out?! I may become obsessed with painting rain boots. The boys both love theirs, and I love how easy and cost-efficient it is to do.

Well, now we're into November and the start of the holiday season will be in full swing in just a few short weeks! Of course, here we've been listening to Christmas music for almost a month now. Hey, it's never too early to get into the holiday spirit! It's part of what makes it magical and fun for kids. And now that I am an adult with kids of my own, it's even more fun for me. ;)

Happy start of the Season!

Spider-Man Rain Boot Tutorial

I bought my boys a pair of rain boots that I found for a GREAT deal. They were buy 1 get 1 half off so I literally spent less than $20 for both pairs! However, they weren't anything special, just regular, plain, ole boots. What kid wants plain when there are so many non-boring ones out there?! The problem with those ones, is that you pay A LOT more for them, which I am just not willing to do. So, I came up with my own way to create special, adorable, non-expensive rain boots and I've been asked to share how I did it. I am going to share how I made boots that look like this:

<-----to look like this!

Aren't those just ADORABLE?! And so easy!

Here's what I used:

{Plain, red rain boots}

{Black Puffy Paint}

{White Puffy Paint}

You definitely want to use the Puffy Paint (fabric paint) because it can get wet and won't come off. If you use acrylics on the boots, the paint will crack and rub off when it gets wet. The puffy paint is where it's at with rubber boots!

Unfortunately, I didn't take pictures of every single step as I went a long, but I broke it down in steps for you that are easy to follow.

Step 1. Grab a fine Sharpie pen (or a regular pen) and begin marking your lines. It helps if there is a line that already goes straight down the middle like the boots that I used have. I just used that as a guide for where I wanted my eyes and web lines to begin. I added the vertical lines in the front first.

Step 2. Add your eyes, and then finish making the vertical lines all the way around the boot. Then, add lines to connect your web.

Step 3. Paint! Using your black puffy paint, trace the pen marks. I did the top half first so that I could hold the boot still. Fill the eyes in with your white puffy paint.

Step 4. Let dry.

Step 5. When the paint is completely dry (it will take a few hours) outline the eyes with more black paint. Then you're done!

My boy was so happy to wake up from his nap with new Spider-Man boots and I am SO happy I didn't have to break an arm and a leg so he can have adorable boots!

He has jumped in puddles with these, played in the rain, etc. and the paint has held up so far. Soon, I will be doing little cowboy rain boots too! Stay tuned!

Intercessory Prayer for our Children

There have been only a handful of times in my Christian life that I have clearly heard the voice of God. And it seems like those times only happen at night after everyone is asleep, and even, sometimes, after I am asleep. I can't say I blame Him; the only time I can hear my own thoughts is after the house is completely quiet. But these times that He will wake me up, or come to me when I am laying in bed thinking, are proving to be the most powerful times in my walk with Him. I have been able to intercede on behalf of those I love. I am more prone to listen and then take action by pouring out my heart and soul to Him.

Last night, my almost 4 year old woke up crying. Again. He's been doing this for awhile now. We'll lay him down in his bed, he'll fall asleep, but then an hour or so later, he will wake up. And cry. And last night, I had lost my patience with it. I was tired, I knew I needed to get decent sleep so that I could be up early to workout with my husband, and I was at my wit's end. As I lay there, almost in tears because my little boy was having such difficult nights all the time (which meant mommy was too), a familiar voice spoke to me. And I thought, "Really God? Right now? I am trying to get my kid back to sleep so that I can go back to sleep! Right now is NOT a good time for me." And I turned over and let poor Buddy cry on while I tried to fall asleep through it. God wasn't finished. With gentle nudges, He softened my heart enough to get me to listen. As I listened, He was telling me to pray. Pray for your son. He needs you to pray for Him.

Okay, you win God. I turned over to face my poor, whimpering boy. I didn't know why I was praying, or what I was praying for. I just knew I needed to act on what God was telling me to do. I began to pray. "Lord, I don't know what is wrong with Buddy. But you do. I need You to bring peace to him, calm him, release him from whatever it is that is bothering him." I put my hand on him and prayed for healing. I don't know what he needed healing from, but God did. Within minutes maybe even seconds of me praying and interceding for my boy, he stopped crying. He turned over and fell asleep and didn't wake up for the rest of the night.

Parents, we need to intercede for our children. Not just when they are troubled, not only when we are fed up with them. We need to be on our knees praying for them every day. We need to be praying for them morning, noon and night. Children don't always know what to pray for. We don't always know what to pray for, but if we are invested in their souls, we won't let a day go by that we don't intercede on their behalf. There are demons that try to destroy families. They roam around looking for whom to devour. Our job as Christian parents is to stand our ground at the front lines of the battlefield and FIGHT. Even if fighting means we get less sleep. Our children need us.

It is a spiritual fight we are fighting for our children's lives and if we are not ready and willing to stand up and fight or kneel down and pray for them, we may as well condemn them to a life that has no direction, no purpose. We are our children's warriors.

Jesus has interceded for us. He intercedes for us daily. Will we take our post at the front lines and do the same?

"Therefore He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." Hebrews 7:25

I am in the midst of planning my almost 4 year old's Birthday party. This year, I let him choose the theme. His first birthday, I threw a milk and cookie party based on the beloved (by me) book If You Give A Mouse a Cookie. It was quite the cute party. The second year, I chose an airplane/helicopter theme because he was soo into them. Which makes sense, since this was the year that his daddy decided to become a pilot. The cake was a helicopter landing pad that had a remote controlled helicopter on it and after we had sung Happy Birthday the helicopter was flown right off of it. Quite the cake extravaganza for a two year old! Last year, I threw him a dinosaur party. It was a basic themed party, but it was a HOT day that day and poor Buddy almost passed out. The dinosaur cake didn't melt, at least.

And here we are again. He is going to be 4 and my goodness, I can't tell you the emotions I have about that. On one hand, I am so stoked he is turning 4 because we'll be out of the real toddler stage finally. On the other hand, my little guy has gone through a lot since he was born. Not more than a lot/most kids have gone through, but more than my other two have for sure. He still battles asthma attacks and throwing up for no apparent reason every three months or so. The first year of his life was spent in and out of doctor's appointments and seeing specialists. It's been a road with him. And now, he's turning 4.

Like I said, I let him choose the theme of his birthday party this year. We sat down together and browsed Pinterest for party themes until he found one that he REALLY wanted. And I knew exactly what it was going to be as soon as I saw his face and heard the excitement in his voice. So what did he choose? Drum roll....

WILLY WONKA!!!!

I was not surprised at all when he chose it. He LOVES the movie. He will sit on the couch and watch the whole movie beginning to end, and want to watch it again. And now, he can't stop talking about it. Everyday for the past three days, the first thing he has said to me after waking up is, "Mom, is it my Willy Wonka party today?" Bless his heart.

This is one reason I love having kids. The innocence and the excitement they get over their birthdays! Can you say precious? Part of the excitement comes from the fact that I have started planning and shopping for it. He sees things and has been watching me make his banner (which I cannot wait to show you all!!) and all of those things are SO exciting. To a child. But now, I've caught the excitement bug. I cannot wait for him to see the big reveal on the big day!!

I promise to post pictures of the decorations that I have been making myself for SUPER CHEAP but for now, I have a 5 year old who is going to be late for soccer practice if I don't get to it!

Too-da-loo!

One of my favorite times of the year is fast approaching! The temperature has dropped into the 60's now and the rain is upon us. Here in the Pacific Northwest, that is a sure sign that summer is gone until next year and soon we'll be headed into the freezing nights and cold, cold days. BUT. Who wants to talk about weather when life is happening all around and my favorite time of the year is right around the corner?!

It is just about the beginning of October and in the Lee household, we refer to October as "the beginning." Because you see, it is the beginning of watching our well-saved earnings go out the door. Or, it would be if I was a spendier (is that even a word?) person. October marks the beginning of birthday and holiday season. We had the very bad luck of all three kids being born right before and right after Christmas, and on top of that, we have Halloween (which I really can't decide if I actually like the fact that we even refer to it as a holiday or even call it that in our house!) and then of course, there is Thanksgiving, and Black Friday. And yes, I am one of THOSE mothers that you will see in a line around the corner of the Toys R Us at midnight so I can grab the last $40 dollhouse that I NEED to get my daughter. Oh yes, I have a carnal need to save. And buy. It's a vicious cycle.

So, on top of all of that, it is also the beginning in which I will be going CRAZY planning their birthday parties. And this year, I absolutely, positively MUST plan one for my littlest who is turning three. (Three, already?! I can't believe it...) It just so happens that he had the not-so-good-luck of being the last born AND being the last birthday of the "season." And, unfortunately for him, I have not been the best of mothers because by the time the holidays have come and gone, and I have planned and thrown two birthday parties in the midst of all the other celebrations, his birthday comes around and...well. Let's just say I've dropped the ball both years. Although, I have made and decorated two very awesome cakes for him. The first one was a Lorax cake (because he LOVED that movie when he was a a baby) and the second was a rainbow Spiderman cake. So, although he hasn't had huge birthday parties, he has gotten his cake. And that has to count for something, right?!

I also LOVE this time because it reminds me that a new year is right around the corner. A new beginning. A new dawn. Another birthday. Another chance. And a new resolution. Now, I know that a lot of people think that resolutions are overrated, but I still make new ones. Every. single. year. Because, you never know what you can accomplish unless you set your mind to it. And there's just something about the traditional-ness of sitting around the Christmas tree on New Years Eve talking about hopes, dreams, new ideas, aspirations, and goals. When it's time to ring in the new year, and I hold up my champagne glass and toast everyone around me, I am resolving to uphold those resolutions not just to myself, but to my husband, my kids, my family. I know, I know. It sounds so cliche. Maybe it is. But I happen to like cliche. Especially around this time.

And this year, I want the holidays to be filled with cliches:

• Long Christmas lists (which we have already started!)
• The smell of cinnamon and pumpkin when you enter my house
• Digging through my purse to drop money in the Salvation Army bucket
• Rushing from store to store to find the perfect gifts
• Taking pictures of the kids until their faces are blue (not really, but really)
• Snuggling on the couch with my husband
• Baking yummy sweets and treats and getting sprinkles all over the kitchen
• Doing Advent the whole month of December...

I think you get the picture.
Yes, this is one of my favorite times of the year. Welcome, Fall.